Dear Emily,

Hello! You don’t know me yet, but I’m Dad.

It’s still weird for me to write that. I know that I’ve been through being a child before but this whole thing feels new to me too. I know that that’s not reassuring to hear but you probably won’t read or understand any of this until the prospect of having your childhood guided by a man who as has absolutely no clue what he’s doing is acceptable because you’ve gotten through it just fine.

Let me give you some context for the family you’re coming into. You nearly had an older sibling but they didn’t make it passed the 8 week mark. That makes you our rainbow baby and leaves me as the next youngest Treacy in the family. It’s not even like we’re a similar age - I’m 31 as I write this. I’ve been with Mum for 8 years and married for just over 2. I love her very much. My parents are giddy about seeing you because you’re their first grandchild. They’re going to be so excited to baby sit you when me and your mother need some time to ourselves and our friends. Sarah’s parents have 2 granddaughters already - Freya and Callie. They’re going to be less excited to baby sit. Your Uncle Matt is also an uncle for the first time. Be nice to him because he doesn’t know what he’s doing either I expect.

You’re going to have plenty of non-blood family around too. Rob, Vicky, Holly, Amy, and Tango. I’m going to call them your uncles and aunts and that’s going to be really confusing for you but I want these guys are going to be around so much they’ll feel like family.

I’m busy trying to make sure I’ve gotten everything I want to do as an adult with no responsibilites before you come along. Don’t get me wrong here - I can’t wait to meet you but I’m in that “I don’t feel like I’m ready” mode (which I’m told is inevitable and will pass as soon as you’re here). It’s just that I want to enjoy my last few months of “freedom” as much as I can. I’m sure you’re going to be a joy to have but I’m not looking forward to the noise and the mess. It’s not your fault I know; every experience you feel is new for so long and you’ve got so few experience to compare to. If you bite your finger while teething then that’s the worst pain you’ll have ever felt in your entire life so I’ll try not to get upset if you’re a bit too touchy about it. Likewise your first toy is going to be the most exciting toy in the whole world for you. Enjoy that moment while you can because “stuff” gets less exciting.

I’ve moved my desk out of the ~study~ nursery and into the top front room of the house. That was a big moment. You’re getting more real. I hope you’re as excited to meet me as I am to meet you. When I first saw you on the ultrasound scan I was hit by the reality of it all. Before then Sarah had all the excitement and feelings of change. All I could do was wait on her. But at that moment you were there with us all in that room.

We Looked at you again 2 days ago. You looked healthy. I was happy to see you again! You were a girl! My little baby girl. You might always be my baby girl. I’m not sorry.

There’s going to be plenty that I am sorry about though. I’m sorry that I seem unprepared at times. I’m sorry that I’m so grouchy when I’m tired. I’m sorry that I put you off programming forever. I’m sorry for when I let you down or say the wrong thing. I’m sorry if sometimes I put too much pressure on you. Like I said, I’m new to this too and I don’t know what I’m doing.

We’re hoping to have a younger brother for you. I don’t know how that’s going to go. I don’t want to be outnumbered in this house. One day we’ll look back on this and either nod with impressed gaze at my future predictions or you’ll laugh and look back at my face of dispair. I’m kidding. I think I’m kidding.

Anyway I just wanted to say hello and introduce myself. I can’t wait to see you!

All my love,